>>On this episode of The Own Your Now Show, we are filling up our cup with the Tina Lifford.

>>Tina is a Hollywood veteran who has played over 100 characters in her long-standing career, working with Clint Eastwood, Bruce Willis, Jennifer Lopez, and Sidney Poitier, and most notably the vivacious Aunt Vi on the critically-acclaimed television drama Queen Sugar.

Outside of acting, Tina is a thought leader, author, speaker, and strategist and visionary, transformational healer, and she is here with us to nurture as we live and thrive.

>>You don't want to miss our "Vibe in a Box," Felica Ezell-Gillespie.

>>So I'm going to stand up, take my people with me, together we are going to a brand new home.

All across the river, can you hear freedom calling, calling me to answer... >>Grab your cups, it is time for The Own Your Now Show.

>>Funding for this episode is made possible by the following vendors, friends and supporters of The Own Your Now Show.

Thank you for supporting this program.

♪ ♪ >>Welcome to The Own Your Now Show, I am your host Tracie Berry-McGhee, also known as Divine Tea.

>>And I'm Yolonda Lankford, the co-host, and what do they call me, Tracie?

>>Lady Yo!

>>That's right, Lady Yo!

And you know what, today is an exclusive.

We have an exclusive.

Lady Yo, what do we have going on today?

>>We have a live studio audience!

[crowd cheering] >>Wow!

It is an OYN experience.

All the guests in our audience are women that are well, and we are so excited about this.

How are you feeling?

>>I am great.

When you said 'well,' I just got excited, because this entire time we've been talking about wellness and how to put yourself in a place where you are well, and then you can take care of other people.

How are you feeling, Tracie?

>>I'm feeling well, I'm feeling well in the STL, of course.

But I have to ask you, what's in your cup?

What are you sipping on?

>>Jasmine tea.

I needed a little peace, but I'll tell you my secret- a couple of chips of peppermint.

Gives it a little spice to the life.

>>A little spice to the life.

You are the life.

>>Oh, thank you so much, and I love being in your life and having you in my life.

>>I know, thank you.

>>And I have to ask you- I'm going to ask the audience, does anyone know what Tracie's sipping on?

[crowd talking] >>That's it!

>>There you go!

Black coffee.

>>I drink my coffee black.

No sugar, no cream.

Of course, it started with my mom.

Sipping coffee early in the morning, my grandmother, my whole family, all of us, my Aunt Gale, all of us, we were sipping tea and coffee, and my mom told me I could not drink coffee until I was grown.

I is grown now.

>>Right, right!

>>I drink my coffee black.

No sugar, no cream.

>>I love that.

And you say it all the time, and so when I drink coffee sometimes I pinch off you and I do black.

No sugar, no cream.

>>I've seen it, I've seen it.

Well, speaking of black, no sugar no cream, I'm thinking about all of the things that we focus on.

We focus on wellness, opportunity, knowledge, and empowerment.

We focus on affirmation words and things like that, but we also focus on Lady Yo one-on-one tips.

>>Yes.

>>You are such the lady.

You tell us, what is your one-on-one tip for the day?

>>The one-on-one tip is it is never too late!

And I say that because we are seasoned women, and as we grow older, people think, well you know, if I haven't done it by the time I'm 25, if I haven't done it by the time I'm 30, I'm here to testify that it is never too late, because as a seasoned woman I have found love.

>>Yes.

Give it up!

[crowd cheering] >>I have found a career, and I am truly living my best life.

>>I love that, I love that.

I want to say that love has found you.

>>Amen!

>>Okay, your career has found you.

And yes, you are living your best life, you are.

Well, as a licensed therapist, everybody knows that I love to give my wellness tea.

You call me Divine Tea because I love to sip my tea, but my tea is also a metaphor for positivity, meaning that we love to say we're sipping off the saucer.

Just like black, no sugar, no cream, when I ask what's in your cup, it's a metaphor of are you filling up your cup?

What does that look like?

Because everybody else should literally get the overflow.

And so my wellness tea of the day is it's important that when you allow other people to be a part of your cup, that they get the overflow, that you have to make sure that you are an asset, because if you are not an asset, that means you're a debit, which means you're no credit to anyone else but yourself.

>>Alright!

Okay, okay.

So this is what it's all about, making sure that we fill up our cups, and we have a special guest today.

This is different.

Typically, of course, we have the live studio audience, but we have a special guest, so this is a special episode.

We're not going to have more than one guest because she is the only guest.

We call it what?

>>We call it "The Sipping off the Saucer."

>>That's right, that's right.

This is conversations that unite people, y'all.

You ready to sip off the saucer?

>>I am ready to sip off the saucer and have a conversation.

♪ >>Welcome to The Own Your Now Show, thank you so much for coming.

>>Oh, it is such a pleasure to be here, I've been looking forward to sitting in the chair.

>>Alright, you made it, you made it, you made it!

Well, we always ask everyone one question.

What's in your cup, what are you sipping on?

>>So I'm a little boring, because what's in my cup is water, no ice, and maybe a little bit of lemon.

But let me tell you why.

Number one is I had a massage the other night, and the first thing that the masseuse said about my body was, "Oh, you stay hydrated, don't you?"

He touched my body and was able to tell that I drink a lot of water.

And as we age, which we all do, the amount of water and hydration that we engage in is critical to looking good and feeling good.

>>Say that again, looking good and feeling good!

[crowd applauses] >>Yes, and it's interesting that you talked about the physical and how important it is for us to take care of our bodies.

Today y'all, we're talking about inner fitness.

There's a difference between physical and inner fitness.

Tell everybody, what does inner fitness mean?

>>Yeah, so inner fitness means meeting life with the thoughts, feelings, and beliefs that can empower your sense of self, self trust, self awareness, and general self-leadership so that you can thrive.

I have a movement, the Inner Fitness Project, that is committed to having the skills and practices of inner fitness be as well-known, actionable, and universal as physical fitness.

Because we all know what to do when it comes to making this body look good.

But you can have a banging body, and inside be crumbling, crushed by stress and negative beliefs or thoughts, or feelings of unworthiness.

So we're flipping the script and making sure that we know the skills and practices that work for the inside.

>>So, when do you know it's time?

Physically we'll know it's time when we look in the mirror, we say, "Oh, I'm getting a little chubby," or when we get on the scale.

When do you know it's time to concentrate on your inner fitness?

>>Oh... >>Come on now.

>>Let me count the ways!

[laughing] >>I'm ready!

>>We all have some recurring thing that happened in the past that keeps coming back and causes stress or a sense of insecurity, or less than.

That is an indicator that we could use a better understanding of who we are.

That's inner fitness.

You want to live life with a sense of safety instead of feeling at risk all the time.

That inner fitness helps you to move from feeling at risk to safety.

You want to feel more free inside.

Inner fitness helps you let go of all of that performing, and I know you know what it's like, you know, to perform your way through life as opposed to living life authentically, showing up as yourself, feeling confident in that.

You know, and having a sense of possibility.

And you know, it really doesn't matter what we are experiencing, the situation that we are experiencing, when we feel capable of moving through it.

It's only when we feel incapable or at risk or scared that we're not going to be able to handle the moment for us that we wind up feeling at risk.

So what we want to do is do that work now, so that we can walk into every room, every situation, every season of life owning ourselves, and thriving.

>>That's it, that's it.

You know, I read both of your books, and Forbes said that it was the most read for- the most read, the book that you should read, and as a matter of fact, all of our studio audience got a copy in the "Vibe in the Box."

[audience cheering] >>Read it, read it!

>>The Little Book of Big Lies and inner fitness revolution, one of the questions that always comes up that you say to ask yourself is the EEQ.

Tell everybody what EEQ is.

>>Oh yeah.

So EEQ is my acronym for an Effective and Empowering Question.

Most people are asking questions that don't take them to the answer.

For example, people will get up and say, "Why is my life like this?

Why does this keep happening to me?"

I don't know if what you really want to know is why this keeps happening.

The universe is going to answer the question that you ask.

So if you ask, "Why does this keep happening to me," you're going to get a whole list of reasons that it's happening to you.

What are you going to do with that list, right?

But if you ask the question, "How can I move beyond this pattern?

How can I change my life," now you're going to get a whole bunch of information and support that moves you to where you want to go.

So an EEQ is a question that you ask with either a how- how can I do this, a what- what do I need to do, a where- where does my attention need to be, so that the answer matches what your heart wants.

>>That's it, and that's wonderful, yes!

Yes!

Because we often, as we grow up, we hear ask specifically what you need and what you want, because we often go through life thinking people can guess.

Well, you should know that I like this, or you should know that I don't like this, but for ourselves, we need to know ourselves.

Was there a particular moment in life where you said, "I need to connect with me?"

>>Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

But before I go there, I have to just say that that 'should' that you were just talking about, you should know how I feel, that 'should' is a way that we tell ourselves a little lie.

Okay?

Because if we expect you, if you should know what I need, if you should know how I feel, then I don't have to own it for myself.

>>Ooh, that's a word, that's a word, that's a word!

>>That's it, that's it.

>>And so you ask the question, how did the moment that allowed me to step into my journey of inner fitness, because the journey of inner fitness is like the journey of physical fitness.

It's not don't go to the gym one time, and that's it.

>>Correct!

[laughing] >>I wish that I had the body or the strength that I had in my youth today.

I only have the strength that I have because I keep adding to it, I keep doing the work, I keep investing in the practices or the exercises necessary.

And I happen to be a person that believes that everything is meant to work together for good.

I'm not saying everything's good.

>>Right, that's good.

>>But everything can take you to good, and I had a challenge in the fifth grade that I've talked about so often that I don't want to take up time here, right?

But I had a trauma on stage in the fifth grade, and I knew in the second grade that I wanted to be an actress.

Well, you can't have a trauma on stage in the fifth grade that literally shut me down to the point that I could not move, and without doing some work to move beyond that, be able to step into the career that I've had, right?

And so that experience, trauma, whatever you want to call it, got neurologically wired.

And I knew that if I wanted to fulfill what was calling me, I was going to have to figure this other thing out.

Right?

>>You know, as a therapist, oftentimes women won't go to therapy for years, so when they come in their cup is empty, and it's things that they've been holding forever.

We were having the conversation about the word 'truth,' and you said, I've got something to say when it comes to the word 'truth,' and how we- when we hear the word 'truth,' what does that mean for us?

And you said- you've got to share it.

Aunt Vi, Aunt Vi- so Aunt Vi is good, right?

Aunty Tina- give us the tea on the word 'truth.'

>>Okay, and so like everything in life, it is perspective and nuance.

So when it comes to the truth, I say that there's four things you want to look at in order to truly tell the truth.

So the first thing you want to look at is what happened.

And when I say "what happened" it's like just repeat what happened.

Facts only, no feelings, no adding any assumptions, just what were the facts?

The facts were I wanted my father's attention and he said he was too busy, right?

Second part of the truth- what, how did I interpret that?

Well, I heard him say I wasn't, I didn't matter, he didn't care, right?

And second, the third truth is how do you feel?

Well, it made me feel unworthy.

It made me feel like there was something wrong.

It made me feel discounted.

And then the fourth truth is what's possible.

If we are not telling ourselves what is possible based upon what we have experienced, we are left and caught in a whole bunch of feelings and misinterpretations, right, because the fact that he said he was busy doesn't mean that I didn't matter.

And if we didn't have that conversation, then I walk away feeling like I didn't matter.

Now I take on the story that I don't matter.

And the feelings that came from "I don't matter" become the feelings that I carry often because it all ties back to that moment when these set of circumstances happen and I created the story without checking with the source to see if it was true.

>>Facts, y'all got it?

>>Yes!

[audience clapping] >>Yes, I need to sit.

>>That's right!

>>I'll sit back a little bit, because I want to receive it all.

And I always tell people, when you walk in a room, make sure you have your hands like this.

Don't come with your hands all balled up, because when your hands are open, not only can you give, you can receive, and we just received it, alright?

[laughing] >>Thank you, thank you.

>>So the last piece is, all of us, if there's something bothering you, if there's something that we want to move beyond, yes, tell yourself those first three truths- what happened, how I interpreted what I feel, but the real truth is what's possible from this point forward.

>>Got it, got it.

>>That's "own your now," that's owning your now.

So we've had the wellness experience, and we say the word 'wellness,' but you said that there's a difference between wellness and well-being.

Because wellness has kind of become a catchy term, but the difference between wellness and well-being.

>>Yeah, so most of the time when I'm speaking or doing workshops, I like to poll the audience and say, how many of you have done something for your wellness in the last month?

And when they raise their hands, and I ask, "Okay, so what have you done?"

Got my nails done, took myself out to a dinner, had a date with myself, got a massage, most times people conflate wellness with the body, right?

And so we need to draw attention to the self inside the body.

The body is the vehicle, the body is the Ferrari car.

The self is the fuel, it's how the car drives, it's how the car runs.

And if we want high performance, then we have to give high attention to the self inside.

>>Yes!

>>That's it, that's it.

>>Absolutely.

If there is a word you want to leave with the ladies in the audience today, what would that be?

>>Freedom.

>>Freedom, freedom.

Lady Yo, what is your wellness word?

>>Trust.

>>Trust.

>>You know, along this road that we are traveling, I had to let go and trust that I was safe, that each step was going to get us to the next step into the journey that we're both traveling, so trust, and today when I look into your eyes, I trust you.

>>Aww.

Well, I just want to say that it's been an honor to have you in our space, and I'm looking forward to wherever it is that we need to go to grow so that we can continue to thrive together.

As a part of the joy cypher, I just want you all to understand that we are going to continue to trust the process, and know that when you fall in love with knowing who you are, you also will have to fall in love with giving yourself grace, and then praise each other and praise yourself for the gratitude that you walk into, being the colorful self that you are.

Continue to pray for abundance and understand what a sisterhood looks like, because resiliency is also on the inside, and it gives you the clarity on the outside to have purpose to know that you are unstoppable, and that is freedom.

[audience cheers] >>Thank you, thank you.

Well Lady Yo, who is our "Vibe in the Box?"

>>Now you know I want to get her name correctly- it is Felica Ezell-Gillespie.

>>Yes, can't wait.

And we want to thank the Tina Lifford for coming on and being a part of the OYN experience.

We thank you so much.

>>Happy to be here, thank you so much.

>>And we want to make sure that we always give you what, Lady Yo?

>>Peace, love, and positivity!

>>And remember, tomorrow isn't promised, so own your now.

♪ >>I've been walking with my face turned to the sound.

Weight on my shoulders, a bullet in my finger.

I've got eyes in the back of my head just in case I have to run.

I do what I can while I can when I can for my people.

While the clouds roll back and the stars feel the night, that's when I'm going to stand up, take my people with me, together we are going to a brand new home.

Out across the river can you hear freedom calling, calling me to answer, going to keep on keeping on.

I can feel it in my bones.

Early in the morning before the sun begins to shine.

We've got to start moving towards that separating line.

I'm wading through mighty waters.

You know I've got a made up mind.

And I don't mind if I lose it on the way to salvation.

So I fight with the strength that I've got until I die.

So I'm going to stand up, take my people with me, together we are going to a brand new home.

Out across the river can you hear freedom calling, calling me to answer, keep on keeping on.

♪